I’m off to University in just over a month and I thought it’d be a good idea to get a head start, academically. I’ve applied to study Computer Science, and, as only sense dictates, the first language we touch upon will be Java, the big brother of JavaScript… kidding; I can hear Crockford screaming! So, with all this spare time I’ve decided to learn Java, or, at least begin on the journey!

I downloaded Eclipse and the “Java runtime”, only, of course, to find out that I already had about 10 different Java runtimes already installed. I fired everything up and then stopped; I had absolutely no idea what to create… What can I say? The command-line doesn’t excite me! Yes, I know pretty much anything can be created with Java, even hardware-accelerated games, but all the beginner-tutorials out there only show you the monotonous command-line drivel.

I also purchased a book recommended by the University; I believe it’s the one we’ll be learning from in the first year. It’s called “Objects first with Java” and goes into a tremendous amount of (unnecessary?) detail; I haven’t really got past the first few pages. I’ll tell you something about objects; you’re never going to learn squat about them from tutorials or books. Yeh sure, you’ll get an idea about what they are but you’ll never appreciate the abstraction provided by OO language until you dive in.

Now, don’t get me wrong about this whole University thing; I am looking forward to the “experience” but I’m not exactly overly-excited about the impending course material. I haven’t even begun and I’m already finding it dull; I’ve no doubt that I’ll be pleasantly surprised though… I’m sure the first lecture will prove enthralling!

I’ll be honest with you; I’m only going to University because “that’s what one does after school”. Heck, most people go to Uni for exactly the same reason (they just don’t know it); it’s what’s expected of us. You can say what you want about it but essentially, University is yet another device used to extend and perpetuate the status-quo; i.e. us working and the government getting richer. I just can’t wait; out of uni with a load of debts and then into the monotony of a “career”. Eventually I’ll have additional burdens that will require monetary attention and before you know it I’ll be where most of the British upper-middle-class finds itself, paying off debts… living the dream!

Isn’t it amazing, I haven’t experienced any of this impending fate yet and I already have the capacity to be utterly dismissive and totally negative about it all! Here’s hoping the grass is greener!

Okay, this really annoys me sometimes; you read a blog post or article, it was interesting, you scroll to the comments section looking for an interesting discussion regarding the content of the post but all you find is countless grammatical or technical corrections contributed by “helpful” readers!

For me, the comments section of a blog post is where users can contribute thoughts concerning the material covered in the post; not spelling mistakes, or a complaint about the site’s content. Apparently not everyone feels this way, because whenever I go to read the comments there’s always a few egotistical children leaving comments about the damn grammar!

Now, I’ve probably done it a couple of times in the past myself but I’ve stopped – I eventually realised I was only doing it to gratify my own needs; I wasn’t really interested in the grammatical correctness of any post – my ego just required a frequent pampering, apparently in the form of grammatical superiority.

Sometimes it may be appropriate to point out these mistakes; if the mistake will cause obvious grief to other readers who take heed from the post then by all means contribute your correction, but if it’s a tiny, barely-noticeable mistake then please keep it to yourself… or, if you feel your alter-ego “Grammar Nazi” kicking in then, by all means, send the owner of the site an angry email.

I have a secret; I delete non-spam comments sometimes! Yes, it’s true! Do you know why? Because this is my website and as such I feel it my responsibility to police the content of it – if a comment is defamatory or just downright rude then I’ll delete it, or if I feel the comment adds absolutely nothing to the post then I’ll delete it. For example, if your comment contains just one word like “Wow!” or “First!” or “Interesting!” then it’ll probably be deleted; why are you wasting your time writing such drivel?

I rarely have a problem though; this is a tiny blog with a tiny readership; something I’ve come to appreciate greatly!

I do feel sorry for the guys at Smashing Magazine! With over 100,000 subscribers they really do get some crap appearing in their comments!

Animation is normally seen as a very good quality, whether it be on a screen or in real life; all it’s connotations are positive. The days of wonderment and delight will soon be history though, that is, if people don’t start to realise that, like everything, you can have too much of a good thing.

When is too much? …

Story time…

I recently was revising for an upcoming driving theory examination. To revise I was issued with a piece of software containing various mock tests and the Highway Code. The only thing wrong with the entire application was the damn navigation. Every time I returned to the top-most level of a topic area it took about 5 seconds (yes, that is a long time) for the menu to animate on to the screen. The most useful menu-item happened to be at the bottom of the menu and so every single time I wanted to click it I had to wait 5 whole seconds after arriving on the page!

A couple of years ago I would’ve really appreciated a slowly cascading menu but nowadays it’s just incredibly annoying because I have to wait until the very end of an entire animation until I have full access.

You know what the real problem is? It’s some over-zealous programmer or designer who thought it would be cool to have something whizzing or popping on to the page. If it’s not them then it’s their managers or perhaps it was the bloody client!

And that’s not the only time the obvious over-zealousness of a “professional” has pissed me off: To aid me further in my driving theory preparation I decided to purchase (and not cheaply, I might add) an application for my iPod Touch which also contained mock tests and the Highway Code. After testing it out for the first time I was quite satisfied. But again, because of some crappy developer, the software frequently screwed up on itself because of an intentional feature. The hotshot app developer thought it would be cool to add a ’shake’ feature so when a user reaches a question in one of the mock tests they have the option to skip it by shaking the device.

I had previously read about this feature in the iTunes store; I thought nothing of it at the time. It was only when sitting in the back of a car, being driven at a regular speed, trying out a mock test that the app suddenly skipped three questions in a row. The app offers no way to go back a question so that really sucked! I mean come on! What the **** is the point in adding a ’shake’ feature? It’s one of those, “I’ll add this feature to show how cool a developer I am” – normally I’m actually okay when people show off, but when it effects the usability or usefulness of a product it’s simply not acceptable!

Now, what does that last story have to do with animation? Well, that idiot developer thought it would be cool and obviously didn’t think much past that. It would be nice if people would consider coolness as a lesser priority than something like usability.

So…

When you’re thinking of adding any animation to anything on a website, even if you’ve been ordered to do so by a boss or client, always think about usability…. always, always, always think about the user! Nobody is going to be impressed if your steaming animation impedes process! Don’t impede or delay the process of an application or website, ever!

By “process”, I mean the normal and anticipated manner through which a user may interact with your application or website.

Oh, also, I really really hate Flash! If you’re still using flash to develop websites then the only acceptable excuse is that you’ve been in a coma for about three years! FLASH SUCKS! I don’t give a damn about “immersive experiences” when I’m surfing the web, all I want is my damn information!

JavaScript; jQuery, MooTools etc.

Evident from my above ramblings, the line between ‘quite pleasant’ and ‘inconceivably annoying’ is very thin! Don’t go crossing it with a JavaScript framework! – That’s not what they were made for!

I am also at fault; I have also succumbed to the idiocy of the collective. But I have learnt my lesson and have vowed to myself that I will never [consciously] do it again.

Lesson learnt: Don’t jump on the bandwagon just cos’ it’s shiny and faster than the other ones!

When do you know you’ve gone crazy? – When you’re more impressed by a tool than what you can create with it!

I reckon the great majority of people in this industry would unconditionally subscribe to the conception that an Apple Mac makes you more productive. This little white magical box somehow enhances your ability to produce amazing things, right? Oh and let’s not forget all the other Apple stuff. The iPhone, Ipod, iMac, MacBook, Mac mini – they’re all magical creations tht enhance our existence!

I guess it’s all down to the modern-day infatuation with shiny new technology coupled with manipulative marketeers operating you like a puppet! I mean, seriously, do any of you think that Apple, the corporation, cares a smidge about how productive you are or how innovative your creations are? They don’t! They really don’t give a damn!

Don’t get me wrong, I love new technology – I think it’s great. But I’m not going to consign to this crazed kind of addiction that so many people have. No, I don’t need that new MacBook, I’m perfectly happy with my three year old PC running XP! And speaking of Operating Systems, no! I don’t need Vista, OSX or Windows 7 – I can manage quite happily without all that!

Real web designers use Macs!

Oh I see; all this time I was under the delusion that one’s credibility in this industry was platform agnostic but obviously I’m totally wrong. What was I thinking!? Of course, I see it now, the extent to which a developer is good at his/her job can be solely measured by the software and hardware they use! How could I have ever thought otherwise!?

Grow up! This industry isn’t about my hammer being better than yours; it’s about what I create with my hammer, and what you create with yours! Like the old saying goes "A bad workman blames his tools" – actually, I’d take it further: "A bad workman feels so passionately about his tools that he values them more than his actual work!"

I actually find this quite comical:

There is absolutely no reason in the world you should use anything other than Keynote. Period. I don’t care if you’re on a PC — if you’re serious about speaking, buy a MacBook just for presenting. There is an astounding difference (not an exaggeration) between the tools, canvas placement, typographic control, and overall aesthetics in Keynote compared to PowerPoint. Once you become familiar with Keynote, which isn’t an arduous process, the productivity and just plain enjoyment you’ll experience using it over PowerPoint is completely worth any switching costs.

Obviously Cameron Moll feels that to succeed as a speaker you MUST BUY A MACBOOK!

I’m going to stop now, I feel I may explode!

If you suck at something on a PC you will also suck at it on a Mac!

PS, congratulations Apple, you’ve actually made me want to hold on to my PC out of protest!

I thought I’d explore a more conventional and structured approach to the traditional rant. So here goes, a few things that bug me (quite a lot) when surfing the web:

Before I begin, please note that these opinions are my own – I hope I don’t upset anyone!

Unconventional navigation

Navigation is probably the most essential aspect of a website, it’s layout and usability is of absolute importance and must not be mistook for "just another element". Conventions are there for a reason; so that people know what the hell to do when landing on your homepage. Don’t try and be clever!

People always try and be too clever by extending they’re company’s tagline or motto into the navigation. Here are some examples of BAD NAVIGATION:

• PURPOSE | TRUST | PRIDE | RESPONSIBILITY | SCALE | FUN
• WHAT WE DO | WHAT WE’VE DONE | WHAT WE’RE THINKING | WHO WE ARE
• SURFACE | SUBSTANCE | SPEAK

While you may be able to decipher the meaning behind each navigation item they are definitely not conventional; Mr and Mrs Average wouldn’t find it very easy! I imagine navigating through websites with naming like that shown above would be easiest for children or people who’ve never touched the internet; it’s these people who have no preconceptions about how the internet works and what the conventions are.

Here’s a "translated" version of the above examples:

• ABOUT US | PORTFOLIO | NEWS | POLICIES | JOBS | GAMES
• SERVICES | PORTFOLIO | BLOG | ABOUT US
• HOMEPAGE | ARTICLES | FORUM

The difference between the two versions is clear; it only takes an impulsive millisecond to understand the latter set while it takes a great deal longer to understand the original set!

This isn’t just conversation; I genuinely get bugged by this kind of thing – people trying to be too clever, especially when there are conventions in place.

Over responsiveness

First rule of engagement: If you’re going to give something a hover state then it should be clickable! A hover state of any type, whether it’s a change in colour or underlined text, insinuates that the element can be clicked. The only time I find this acceptable is with tabular data, it’s useful when an entire row is highlighted because it allows you to see corresponding columns clearly. Most other scenarios bug the hell out of me!

Also, I hate when a website attempts to anticipate what I’m going to do. An example of this would be when buttons trigger events onMouseDown instead of onClick.

Functionless Controls

These are normally a result of a lack of degradability. When something looks like a button and I click it and nothing happens I get annoyed (and I’d imagine most people would too!). So, please make sure JavaScript controls are not visible when JavaScript is not enabled.

Ego Inflation Badges

What’s an ego inflation badge? – Well, here are some examples:

Feedburner stats will soon be seen in the same light as those hideous web counter LCD displays you used to find in website footers. Yes, they’re popular now but soon everyone will realize just how tacky they are. Yes, they can be integrated quite nicely into the design of a site but that doesn’t mean they’re any less egotistical.

As for the valid XHTML/CSS nonsense, I cannot stand them! Validation means nothing, it is only a means to crush bugs and any browser issues you may be experiencing, beyond that it’s just a totally unnecessary formality. If you have one of those ‘valid…’ badges a the bottom of your site, get rid of it! I used to have one ages ago but I soon came to realize how utterly pointless they are. If you do insist on having one then at least make sure your pages are actually valid! (otherwise it’s like you going to an anti-fur rally wearing a fox scarf!)

Donate!

I hate exiting the supermarket and seeing an old guy with a charity tin muttering words of plead right in my face! But I manage to walk past without punching him in the face because I say to myself, "It’s for charity; a noble cause". But I definitely draw the line when it’s not for charity – i.e. those massive Paypal donate buttons on personal websites. I’m totally okay with it on open-source projects but when it’s on somebody’s personal portfolio or blog I get annoyed. Having a ‘donate’ button (of any type) on your personal website suggests three things:

• "I’m so crap at my job that I can’t get money by conventional means"
• "I think I’ve helped you so much through my witty blog posts that you should pay me!"
• "This new ‘donate’ button will make me look more professional!"

Would Jeff Atwood suddenly start demanding money to continue blogging? No! So you shouldn’t either!

I was out today doing a little bit of Christmas shopping and decided to pickup the latest copy of the ‘net’ magazine. I like to see if they have anything good to say, usually I’ll find at least one pretty decent article which might offer up something innovative and interesting. This copy however was quite a disappointment… Have a look:

You might be thinking, "Wow, I ought to pick up a copy too!" – Well, don’t; there’s nothing interesting in there at all! In fact, just by the cover, this magazine could quite easily have been a copy from 12 months ago (apart from the ‘2009′ bit) and nothing inside the magazine is particularly thought provoking or innovative either. Just for this post’s sake we’re doing to ignore the ‘iPhone’ nonsense on the front-cover because I don’t see platform specific development as of a prime importance.